Conscious Dating

There was a time
Relationships matured like wine
They always blossomed into something concrete
And the circuit would always be complete

Those were innocent days
And people had honest ways
But times have changed
Just like marriages are less arranged

I grew up believing if they've had more than one
They're Casanova, womanizers or just for fun
So, everyone should end up with their childhood sweetheart
And there would be no replacement for that part

Love was meant to be eternal
Feelings were never expected to be situational
Engagements were supposed to be perpetual
And love was never meant to be conditional

There was a time
I thought it were a crime
If you broke up with someone
I'd point at them with the judgement gun

But, today I look around and see
Most married people aren't really happy
Most committed people are actually miserable
Cursing themselves for that decision, feeling terrible

Most are just fulfilling their responsibility
Or habituated to the farce of stability
And then, they pray and wait for the other to die
Or their own spirits to ascend into the skies

If relationships don't culminate into marriage
And thereafter, within a year or two - a carriage
It's wrong, apparently
And unacceptable to society

Even worse, if you walk out of something toxic
They'd rather prefer you suffer being hypoxic
Instead of breaking off an engagement or marriage
The trauma is worse than that associated with a miscarriage

But, today I believe 'conscious dating' could be the solution
As long as people have similar expectations 
And since nothing really can be guaranteed or a permanent decision
People should regularly review their expectations and emotions

Life is not a race
And if you don't produce kids, it'll not be a waste
There's so much more to life
Than just acquiring a husband or wife

Dating should not be rushed with intent to marry only
But, you and your partner must be in sync with intentions honestly
There's nothing wrong with two cosenting adults
As long as your expectations match each other's pulse

The problem arises when there is dishonesty
Because someone's going to get hurt surely
If you want an open relationship or an open marriage, don't lie about it
There are plenty of people who would prefer honesty to a hypocrite

Do you desire to have children?
Or will it be siuational-dependent?
Always discuss things like the expected living situation
As fundamental differences can cause a lot of frustration

There are many things that can work with sacrifice and adjustment
But fundamental differences can drain the soul leading to discontentment
Sure, most things really cannot be planned
But if your partner has the maturity, discuss aspirations beforehand

So, I came up with this concept of 'conscious dating'
It involves reviewing your own and the other's feelings
Checking out fundamentals and conducting an expectations match
So there's lesser hurt, better closure, and understanding in case you detach

Honesty is always the best policy
You can't build a relationship on fallacy
And even if you're in it just for the fun
Find someone with similar motives, why hurt innocent ones!

People expect different things at different stages in their lives
It doesn't mean a man's bad if he is unlikely to take a wife
But, if he is certain he doesn't want a relationship with emotion
He must find someone with similar motives and expectations

In fact, I feel it is foolish to enter into a relationship with absolute commitment
When you attach labels instantly to the wrong person, it could be malignant
If one is open to a commitment, in case things graduate well
As long as things develop positively and the other person doesn't feel compelled

Why not, sure, put a label on it
But there's no reason to rush to comit
Until then, concentrate on being and making each other happy
Prioritize your goals, yourself, your career, education, and family

And when you feel you found the right person 
Go ahead, think, and make a rational decision
Think about their speech, routine, habits, lifestyle, beliefs, principles, values, and goals 
Their nature, personality type, expenses, social network will affect your living situation on the whole

We usually have greater tolerance towards things that are temporary
But when we share a living space, tiny quirks disrupt the peace within our sanctuary
It becomes more essential to recognize red flags
Before you attach hardcore labels or irreversible tags

But, once you decide to comit
You must see that you fulfil your bit
Because feelings can be fleeting
But, a commitment is about decision-keeping

Because it's a whole lot more painful when you make promises
A lot of collateral damage to extended and innocent provinces
It's better to take your time before you make that decision
Identify red flags, figure out what is negotiable and what needs immovable precision

If you fall out of love, or feel unsatisfied emotionally, mentally, or even physically
Address those issues, attempt to resolve them or/and walk out gracefully
You have an option, a viable exit strategy
You don't owe your life to a broken or miscalculated fantasy

Delayed or non-commitment does not imply your partner does'nt value you
It does not necessarily mean they are cheating, playing around, or rejecting you
They may just have too many things on their plate
Maybe your'e not a priority, maybe you are; that's your debate

But, it does not necessarily mean the person is not invested in you
They may have professional aspirations, personal commitments, that too
Relationships are a two-way street
Until you're married, nothing's concrete

If it gets monotonous or you're not happy anymore
Until you're commited, you have freedom to walk out that door
Whatever you do, be honest, convey your feelings and thoughts openly
Respect the other person; don't stab, cheat or hurt anybody

- RUELHA
www.ruelha.com
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Disclaimer: This poem is purely literary. Please read it with an open mind and out of respect for the written word. To me, writing is my life. There is nothing I love more. I have a very creative imagination. Most of my poems do not hint at my life/situation. Kindly refrain from drawing such parallels. Much of what I write is purely fictional. Situations and examples may be hypothetical. I have always written about topics I am passionate about – Christianity, makeup, melancholic poetry, food, romance, women’s issues, soulful music, narratives, etc. Given the circumstances, my gender, situation, geography, etc., I feel the need to put up a disclaimer! Everyone is entitled to an opinion. But, please don’t interpret this poem in a disrespectful manner. Please extend me the grace of excusing typos if you notice any. I seldom ever edit due to time constraints. My written material may have references to various substances, none of which I promote. My writings contain material that may be unsuitable for children.