What do you want to be?

What do you want to be, honey?
I want to be Steffi!
The tennis player who was hot news at that time
I didn't even crave a racquet and didn't give a dime
I hadn't even cared to watch a single game
To date, with sports and me, the equation's the same

What do you want to be, honey?
I want to be a really good doctor
For grand-daddy to be able to cure
He was bed-ridden and I thought some new medicine I'd discover
And with my innovation and ingenuity, he'd comepletely recover

What do you want to be, honey?
I just want to be someone who finds a genie
And I'll wish for a purse that auto-replaces what's been removed
Can you imagine how many notes there'd be with the same serial numbers? My plan was rather crude

What do you want to be, honey?
Michael Jackson, I want to marry
Oh, do'nt smirk! Remember Black or White, the moonwalk?
That casette played on my walkman round the clock

When I saw Titanic, I despised Kate Winslet
To Jack Dawson, we can all agree, I'd be a better fit!
I'd never let the love of my life drown or freeze
I'd lay my own life for the blue-eyed hunk in the deep seas

At some point, I wanted to be Hritik's girlfriend
And then, Shahid Kapoor seemed godsent
Of course, Tom Cruise and Keanu Reeves
And after I shed those dried leaves
I watched the movie Troy
And I fell madly in love with that boy
 
I watched that movie over eighteen times at a stretch
I still remember every dialogue; in memory it's been etched
And then all I wanted to be was Breseis
Just so I could have few days to love that rustic raw face
Sure, for love; but in a few days he dies 
Leaving her pining for him, forever to cry

Then a close friend of mine wanted to be a fashion designer
I'd never heard of the term, was still a tiny minor
I asked her what it involved and she told me they make pretty clothes for people
I'd rather be the model wearing the pretty clothes instead of struggling with threads and needles

But then suddenly right from my pre-teens until my second job
Obsessed with designing, until the time I met my heartthrob
I'd won several small-time designing competitions
Even cleared the entrance exams for NIFT, fashion designing was a serious obsession
I would draw hundreds of silhouettes each and every day
All of my books had scribbles, that's all I did throughout class, all day
I went for several sewing classes; I was all in. No backup alternative
People still ask me when I bump into old friends, part of those years so formative

After my designing craze, if you repeated that same question to me
When I had a boyfriend, his oxygen I wanted to be
I know you want to laugh, but every aspiration I dealt with passionately
I'm an extreme case, so I handled each one with full intensity

Being a flight attendant was just my back up plan
And right there, eventually I did land
After that, I just wanted to be in the shadow of somebody
I believe I played that role extremely well and fulfilled my responsibility
I really delved  into cooking, organizing, and planning
Trying to balance people, home, peace, joy with understanding

And then, the normal dreams of having a loving home and kids
And much later, I became hardcore Christian, so why not a writer-evangelist
My God, my Jesus was my each and every thing
Without Him in every micro second, I could'nt my life, be living

Then I suddenly started writing, and it became my life
Two years since I shocked myself with the poetry pen-knife
Just like everything I do, this is an obsession too
I've always been an extreme case, balance I never knew

Then if you remember, openly I declared I wanted to be a magazine editor
And that too came right into my lap as if I were getting a pedicure
Sure, I worked seven days a week, all night and day
And being a startup, they owe me arrears; they never did pay

And then it seemed as if secretarial jobs were all that could have been
But somehow on content writing, I kept insisting
Months of no pay and some months a maximum of three thousand
Yes, you read that right; it's below the poverty-line and highly insufficient

But through it all, money was never the discerning factor
It was always based on passion and feelings; I'm no actor
It's not like I have major financial backing
I just base such decisions on my gut feeling

But ask me today about what I want to be
And I'll tell you plain and simple - I want to be HAPPY!
I believe one must follow their heart, and money will come automatically
Sure, a home, love, kids, a great career; but above all these
I put a premium on freedom, learning, and peace

And to be be quite honest, these are just requisites to the ultimate goal
My ultimate goal is to be HAPPY and whole
I'm happy when I feel free
Within acceptable limits, I can myself be
Or topics of interest when I'm learning and researching
I like physiology, hormones, the immune system, nutrition, observing people, formulating behaviour patterns and travelling
I'd hate to be complacent and stagnating; I constantly seek things that are mentally-stimulating
However bad the experience may be, I can justify it if it leads to learning
I'm happy when I'm at peace and when on fascinating topics, I'm writing
But ask me today about what I really want to be
And I'll tell you upfront, I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY!

- RUELHA
www.ruelha.com
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Disclaimer: This poem is purely literary. Please read it with an open mind and out of respect for the written word. To me, writing is my life. There is nothing I love more. I have a very creative imagination. Most of my poems do not hint at my life/situation. Kindly refrain from drawing such parallels. Much of what I write is purely fictional. Situations and examples may be hypothetical. I have always written about topics I am passionate about – Christianity, makeup, melancholic poetry, food, romance, women’s issues, soulful music, narratives, etc. Given the circumstances, my gender, situation, geography, etc., I feel the need to put up a disclaimer! Everyone is entitled to an opinion. But, please don’t interpret this poem in a disrespectful manner. Please extend me the grace of excusing typos if you notice any. I seldom ever edit due to time constraints. My written material may have references to various substances, none of which I promote. My writings contain material that may be unsuitable for children.