I Just Wanted To Smile Today

There's food on my plate, a scrumptious meal I'd say.
   But I just wanted to smile today.

My wallet is full, no pending bills to pay.
   But I just wanted to smile today.

I've got a clean bill of health and my organs are ready to stay.
   But I just wanted to smile today.

I love my parents and they love me back.
   But I just wanted to smile today.

My wardrobe is massive and is completely stacked.
   But I just wanted to smile today.

I am surrounded by people almost everyday.
   But I just wanted to smile today.

They greet me and meet me; they all know me, they say.
   But I am just wanted to smile today.

On a comfortable bed, I rest my head.
   But I just wanted to smile today.

I still sleep like a baby, when my head I lay.
   But I just wanted to smile today.

I have a mirror and I like what it says.
  But I just wanted to smile today.

I am young and still have no greys.
   But I just wanted to smile today.

I even had a big fancy birthday.
   But I just wanted to smile today.

I have a phone but nobody is calling anyway.
  But I just wanted to smile today.

My grandma's old things, I'm looking at her crochet. 
   Because  I just wanted to smile today.

From conflict and strife I just walk away. 
   But I just wanted to smile today.

I disowned the past; I see hope, a ray.
   But I just wanted to smile today.

They whisper behind my back, derogatory things they say.
    But I just wanted to smile today.

I don't react when mean things they say. 
   But I just wanted to smile today.

The least expected backstabed me everyday.
   But I just wanted to smile today.

I am strong and have survived all the maydays.
   But I just wanted to smile today.

I thought I said goodbye to yesterday.
   But I just wanted to smile today.

I believe in God and to Him I pray.
   But I just wanted to smile today.

My heart feels heavy and my mind is trying to sway.
   But I just wanted to smile today.

I don't know why I feel this way.
   But I just wanted to smile today.

I'll always miss you sweet Bombay.
   But I just wanted to smile today.

I no longer want to feel this way.
   But I just wanted to smile today.

No, no one coerced me; there was no foul play.
   I just wanted to smile today.

- Ruelha

This poem is inspired by Bollywood star Sushant Singh Rajput’s demise. May his soul rest in peace. The intention of this poem is not to glorify suicide in any way. I obviously do not know the actor and/or the cause of his suicide or his feelings. This poem does not reflect my state of mind either. It is just a poem. Thank you for reading.