….because I love you!

Ruelha,

Just little over a decade ago, I was rummaging through my childhood knick knacks. Among all my worthless valuables, I found a tattered book. You see, I had plenty of these and still do because I love to scribble. Well, my family believed in living the frugal lifestyle. So, when the year ended, we would tear up the used pages from every notebook, sell them as recyclable paper and make new books of the balance pages. That is how I came to be the owner of many rough books. I loved to doodle, sketch, paint etc. So, this book seemed to be from an era where I was still using lead pencils and wax crayons. When I flipped the pages, I found something that really cracked me up. A picture says a thousand words; I so wish I hadn’t discarded it. This is what I had written, ‘Today, Dada{dad} beat me so badly that my bum became this red’. This statement was immediately followed by an arrow directed towards a 5cm*3cm illustration of streaks made by a dark red wax crayon with visible repetitions for added opaqueness and tint. In those days, even the small crayon kits had two different reds – one was lighter, while the other was darker, remember? And, I used the really dark hue of red. Well, if that statement were true, I would have been hospitalized and my dad would be in jail back then. You see my dad was the most righteous man I’ve ever known. He was the paragon of honesty. He was humble, intelligent, articulate, pious, extremely loving and a family oriented man. His moral standards were really high and everybody knew that about him. It wasn’t that he echoed it everywhere he went; people just knew he was a trustworthy man.

My mom always said, “One can see the mischief in your eyes, Ruelha.”

But the man was quite scary when it came to discipline. ‘Spare the rod and spoil the child’, is what he believed in. Canes and scales were routine for me, unlike my brother who was like an angel fallen from the skies! I remember being punished every now and then for just about anything and everything. But I still loved my dad more {back then, Mama!} because he was the most loving parent in the whole wide world. He didn’t need to be lenient to gain my admiration, love and respect. I adored him till the day he closed his eyes and will never stop loving him until the day I close mine.

My Daddy Strongest 🙂

Often, I would retaliate and shriek, ‘I hate you’. Children know how to push just the right buttons, eh? I’d try my luck at emotional manipulation with statements like, ‘you don’t love me’. My dad would just go about his work unperturbed. Sometimes he’d attempt to reply with this annoying response, “I’m doing this….because I love you”. That would just make me wail in disbelief and anger. Oh, I gave him a tough time. But, he savoured every bit of it.

Can you hear me, God??
Tough Love!

Today I’m in a spot where I want to throw rocks into the sky with that same grumpy-whiny face {with the addition of wrinkles, of course} I moped around with when my dad attempted to discipline me. This time it’s for my Heavenly Father. I keep throwing similar statements at Him, “What kind of father lets this happen? What kind of parent are you? You have all power and resources, all of creation bows down to your command….why?!” Yes, I feel God is being very unfair. Maybe He isn’t using all of His resources optimally. I go on to tell Him how an earthly parent who sees His child falling down, rushes in loving hope to prevent that fall. If the child has already fallen down and hurt himself, the parent is sad about his delayed response, returns the child to safety and takes adequate steps to nurse the child back to good health, right? So why doesn’t this all-knowing God come in to rescue me? Seriously dude, I know You can see me waiting in the muck for your hand! I have asked God this question several times, I tell you, I don’t even dare to ask the other why(s). I don’t care why He does certain things, why He lets things happen. Why on earth did you choose me for this ordeal? or why is the earth round? You see, I ain’t interested in the secrets of the universe. I just want to know why He won’t take this cup away from me! And then I remember my dad’s dialogue, “….because I love you!” I never really doubted the veracity of this claim; but it never made sense to me back then. And it sure-as-hell doesn’t make sense to me right now 😉

Lovingly 😉 ,

Ruelha

30 Comments

  2. Very well expressed. I know you from 6th standard and I know what you r capable of. I dnt compare but yes my dad used everything he possibly could but I guess I came out strong HAHAHAHA 🤣🤣🤣. I know u miss ur dad a lot.

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    1. Thanks John. Lol….capable of….hmm….thank goodness you didn’t pen them all down 😉
      Really? You got whipped too? Hahahahaaa….Yes, I’m very happy for you and the way things and life worked out for you John 🙂 I sure do miss him….nothing would be the same if hhe were alive

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  3. Ruelha…so beautifully written..kept me captivated…I can see the mischief in your eyes alright….yes our Heavenly Father is our Abba Father too and your relationship with Him is great… keep your work going…it is very encouraging … love, Roselyn

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    1. Thank you Roselyn. I’m so glad you liked my article. Oh no….you can still see mischief in me…. 🙂 🙂 At times, Daddy God is all we have na 🙂 Thank you so much Roselyn for your kindness…love and huggggggsssss

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  4. Pingback: I Have Arrived – Ruelha

      1. stand firm in the Lord…and if you stumble repent and stand up again enduring! Kind of glad I’m far away–OTHERWISE I’d surely make a fool of myself! I love you in Christ surely as if you were myown daughter—or a younger sister–whom you are!

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        1. Thank you Jonathan….you make me smile…..you’re as sweet as sugar….I’m so glad I found you here on WP…..some penpals are worth much more than the friends and relatives you have around😅😜😉🤭🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗✝️🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

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      1. On the way home from a long car trip i (maybe 8-10 years old) being a royal pain. Dad stopped the car, took me out on the side of the road and gave me just one hard swat on my rear end. I started crying…went into the back of the car and cried myself tosleep quickly..and the family had a peaceful time the rest of the way home!

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                1. I believe we must not speak of/about a problem….
                  Instead to the problem….
                  As in command it to melt ….( psalm 37 I think….the hills will melt like wax before the lord…)
                  So I refrain from speaking of the problem and sharing which I believ worsens the situation…by magnifying the problem….the evil spirits….rather than God the solution ….
                  I only speak when I know the person I am speaking to will not repeat what I have said and will not worry about the problem but has the spiritual maturity to give thanks and glory to God in faith and belief knowing it HAS ALREADY been solved…..in faith….
                  Calling things not as they seem/appear….but as they must be….like Godspoke creation when the earth was formless and void….

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                2. I languished in horrible problems cos I kept speaking about the problems for years…and they only grew bigger and bigger. .until a year ago ..where I stopped talking to any prayer person too….I talk directly to god thanking him for the solution as if it has already come to pass….

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