The writer who never really read a book

Sometimes you have to get lost in order to find yourself.

Reading and writing go together, they say. If you don’t enjoy reading, how would you know how to write? If you have no inspiration, how will you ever express yourself? “If you are going to get anywhere in life you have to read a lot of books.” – Roald Dahl. As a child, I watched my brother get plenty of novels from the school library. He would be so engrossed in those books that it seemed to me like he really enjoyed it. Most of my friends loved reading too. So I bought a library pass to play along with the group. But somehow I never did use it. When we hit the teenage years, my friends found some secrets concealed in the library. They were some books that were not meant to be read – not by students, at least! So, smuggling these out of the library would take a massive plan. Needless to say, if caught – we’d all be spanked. Well, I’m talking of days when it was absolutely fine to hurl dusters at lightening speeds on some deserving skulls. So this kind of operation required some planning and team effort. Few were allocated the task of distracting the librarian and the brave did the rest. What was my part? Well, why don’t you take a guess? So, what exactly were we smuggling? The book was called ‘Bloodline’ by Sidney Sheldon. The loot was shared by all who took the risk and each one got time to keep and read that book. When it was my turn, I just couldn’t do it. So a dear friend marked the raunchy pages and all I had to read were a few pages to be part of the group’s excitement.

I don’t need more ‘yes-men’ around me; I want people to tell me the truth….kindly 😉

All through my school life, I loved writing essays. Whenever we had essay-writing in any of the language classes, I’d be super excited. I would write many extra pages. Some of my English teachers, especially Ms. David enjoyed reading my essays. At my last workplace, all the other departments would come to me to polish their mails, especially when they were writing higher up the hierarchy. My DG, now a director liked my writing style too. But, that was about it. I quit my job and settled in at home. A few years later, I began my pursuit of peace. I genuinely dug deep through theology and the mysteries of the universe. On my way, I made some friends and some mentors you may say. All I ever read throughout my life was just the Bible, my school textbooks, recipes and work stuff. But apart from these, I shrugged at the sight of big books. One fine day, a good friend told me I needed to stop pursuing these mysteries so relentlessly. Be patient and they would just appear to me. He advised me to digress my energies. My family does not have fixed schedules and timings and I like being part of the family. I would hate to disturb the balance at home. So, I had to find something that would permit me to enjoy my family life whilst motivating me individually to develop my true potential. Well, Lloyd is a friend whom I can relate to. He is one of the few people in the world who serves it to me cold, well – mostly. Iv’e had some abuses hurled at me on occasions; that is the kind of camaraderie we share. So, this friend told me that I write well at a time when I hadn’t really considered writing to be my skill. First I shrugged. I was petrified at the thought of making a fool of myself on a public platform. I made all sorts of excuses and jeered at the notion. I told him I have no experience and know absolutely nobody who would publish my thoughts. To that he curtly replied, “I’m not going to spoon-feed you, woman. Go figure it out yourself!”

The war within me to discover myself

So, I started making a blueprint and decided to publish myself! I made a list of the things that I’m passionate about. Makeup, food, fashion, religion. These were the things I managed to assemble. I asked a childhood bezzie if she’d like to join me so we could manage the work together. When I disclosed my plans, she revealed that she wanted to do something similar too. I was excited. The thought of collaborating with her seemed endearing. But when I told her my intention was to focus on makeup and food, she hesitated. She told me she wanted to focus on matters that affect the world. I knew I would not be able to write more than a sentence on any of those topics so I began with this work myself.

Do what you love; love what you do.

If you see my initial posts, you’ll notice they lack soul. I wanted to reach out to a wider audience and hence, refrained from religion and spirituality. When I created that heading ‘In pursuit of peace’, I was not confident about writing anything religious. I’m not a preacher/charismatic person. So, it seemed to me like I had no right to talk about spirituality. When I wrote the post ‘Our Father'{the very first article}, I had so much more to write. The Lord’s Prayer is my favourite prayer. I had so much more to explain and elaborate, so much more theology to put in there. But I intentionally kept it extremely short. I wanted my blog to be secular. But somehow, somewhere very quickly down the line, I just stopped writing about makeup and food. There’s barely anything under those headings. At this very moment, I have 101 topics saved as rough drafts. Of these, 96 come under the heading ‘in pursuit of peace’. It’s not that I don’t enjoy the culinary arts anymore. Of course I love slathering face paint and playing with colours. But, every time I decide to write something, I find myself writing something that I could categorize under the ‘in pursuit of peace’ heading. You see, I don’t claim to know it all. I’m in pursuit. As I walk along and learn things, I want to share my experiences with you. I don’t intend putting up anything that is contradictory to my beliefs and essence. And ever since I decided to bare my soul in letters, it is no longer about targets and numbers; it’s just me and my legacy.

Still Pursing…..

In pursuit of peace,

Rue

4 Comments

    1. “I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.” -John 14:27. (This is the kind of peace I am pursuing, the kind that is unperturbed by this world.) 🙂 peace be with you 🙂

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