My Sands of Time

My mom always told me “Never say never.” I lived most of my life in a bubble and believed some things would never happen. But with the appearance of wrinkles, I have heard stories and witnessed realities that I was incapable of comprehending and imagining in my wildest dreams. So, mom was right, afterall! If she ever read this, she’d probably want to take a picture of this part and frame it. Nothing is certain; nothing is permanent; nothing is predictable. Ironically, the only thing you can be assured of in life is death. It would be awesome if we knew the exact time of our own demise, but death comes like a thief in the night.

If you knew your expiration date, would you not be impeccably prepared. I can imagine myself stepping into my coffin comfortably numb with invitations already sent out for my funeral service. If my death were to be more gruesome, like an accident perhaps, I would prepare my mind that day, say my goodbyes, wrap up my jobs on earth, make a good and sincere confession, repent, try to do some good deeds maybe. I would plan my finances and resources accordingly. I would have the heart to make some sacrifices because I would know that not much should really matter to me any more. I would probably want to balance the scales and attempt to cleanse my thoughts, words and deeds. I’d not leave things in my heart and reconnect, meet and greet people who matter. I’d probably be able to ignore follies and people’s stabs and jabs at me better and even wish them well…why? because none of it would really matter any more. I’d definitely be more appreciative about everything; take few moments to soak in that beautiful sunrise, just stare at the beautiful night sky with sparkles in all it’s glory, be more verbal with appreciations maybe, really savour the food I eat, subconsciously smile romantically at my own inhalations and expirations……well, just maybe!

So why don’t we live our life with a conscious knowledge of this fact. We must all die. Let’s try to scavenge and siphon out every minuscule bit of happiness out of everything. Let’s look for joy in the most unexpected situations. Let’s smile more. Let’s live more. Let’s make peace. Let’s appreciate life, not just when we are unwell. Live with the knowledge that this life is not permanent. You may have hit rock bottom and there’s really nowhere lower to go. But, it’s still not permanent. This too shall pass. So give it all you’ve got. Live with hope. Do your best. You have nothing to fear. Because even if all your efforts go to dust, it’s not forever.

In all fairness, your legacy could live on forever like Mother Teresa or Mahatma Gandhi …or even Hitler or Stalin for that matter. Life is a gift. I remember writing this in slam books so often as a child. This is how the rhyme went…

Life is a bubble, wonderful and round.Use it as much as you can, before it touches the ground.

I have been a horrible person for most of my life, selfish and irresponsible. But today it’s difficult to go back in time and place, and apologize/ make peace/ give time/ attention / do things differently. But to all the people I hurt, caused pain or even made uncomfortable or if I invoked negative feelings of resentment/animosity/jealousy towards other people, life, things…..if I influenced you poorly or encouraged wrong choices, I sincerely apologize. I don’t want to lie with guilt and shame, remorse and pain when I’m 6 feet under. I sincerely beg pardon from everyone I knowingly/unknowingly, intentionally/unintentionally hurt/damaged/scarred. To my dear ones whom I neglected, to the people I cursed, lied to and for the times I recklessly slandered, I beg pardon. For all my wrongs done, in thoughts, words and deeds, for all the good I did halfheartedly and poorly and for the good that I could have done but chose to ignore or procrastinate about, please accept my sincere apologies.

I have been ruminating over this subject for a few years now. Please be advised that my pensive contemplation on the subject is no indication of my attraction towards it. I would never do anything to expedite my egress here. My realization of the impermanence of life has completely changed my outlook in life. I still love vanity and colours; but I do things with an increased awareness that any moment may just be my last. It’s very liberating in a way because many fears ceased to exist.

If I ever have kids, apart from life skills etc., I would want to focus their upbringing primarily on ‘being a good human being’. You could be the CEO of a multinational corporation or the ruler of a monarchy, but when your time is done, you’re going to the same place. Dust thou art; thou shalt return to dust.- Genesis 3:19

Does my article appear too grim? But, wait there is hope. Death is only the end of your life here. We die with the hope of new life where justice, joy, love and peace shall prevail. Your last mortal moments on earth will only lead you to immortality in eternity. Death is swallowed up in victory. -1 Corinthians 15:52.

O Death, where is your sting? O Death, where is your victory? -1 Corinthians 15:55.

Life and death is in the hands of the Creator alone. I am not saying death is romantic. God alone knows the right moment. It is not your decision to make. I am merely stating there is hope after life and we must live with this consciousness always.

For the living know that they will die; But the dead know nothing, And they have no more reward, For the memory of them is forgotten. Also their love, their hatred, and their envy have now perished; Nevermore will they have a share in anything done under the sun. Go, eat your bread with joy, And drink your wine with a merry heart; For God has already accepted your works. Let your garments always be white, And let your head lack no oil {anointing/spirituality}. Live joyfully with the wife of your youth whom you love all the days of your vain life which He has given you under the sun, all your days of vanity; for that is your portion in life, and in the labor which you perform under the sun. Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might; for there is no work or device or knowledge or wisdom in the grave where you are going. I returned and saw under the sun that,’The race is not to the swift, Nor the battle to the strong, Nor bread to the wise, Nor riches to men of understanding, Nor favor to men of skill; But time and chance happen to them all. For man also does not know his time: Like fish taken in a cruel net, Like birds caught in a snare, So the sons of men are snared in an evil time, When it falls suddenly upon them. This wisdom I have also seen under the sun, and it seemed great to me: There was a little city with few men in it; and a great king came against it, besieged it, and built great snares around it. Now there was found in it a poor wise man, and he by his wisdom delivered the city. Yet no one remembered that same poor man. – Ecclesiastes 9:5-15